Do you ever have one of those days where nothing seems to be just jelling...well the morning is starting off like a rocket of mistakeness...it can be great when life gives you many balls to juggle. It's a challenge for me when things are slow, I am then given the opportunity to think which is never a good thing. I have many past and present struggles that can leave me in a place of constant despair so its best that I don't venture toward that land. The irony is when things are busy it can be great but it can also lead to carelessness and resentment. It is the balance of life that I find an elusive goal that I am working at. In this place of contemplation I can become testy, slightly aloof and just a tad bitchy. I always know that I am in some place of movement but not where I want to be.
I envy people who seem to always be in a place of purpose, they are fulfilled by all that's around them or in them. I am very aware that I am fortunate, to not have to work in a factory, clean sewers or work in oppressive environments. There are degrees to life of what is habitable and what brings you joy. My education has allowed me to enjoy some privilege but not the "dream" that I was expensively sold. The factors of race, class, gender and political philosophy are "cards" that make the game of success , a little more slippery. This is not a pity rant, it is what it is but its a recognition that this game can wear you out. It can cause momentary stagnation or just slight meltdown. In the midst, still mourning the absence of the Royal Purple Badness not walking on this plane, it makes for an interesting time. I am feel fortunate to have the ability to think and write in a cohesive manner being able to express myself. Creativity is the life line for the artist. This world can create such extreme reactions in a small period of time, if we didn't have expression we could just explode. There is no resolve here, just an expression of frustration.
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An Actor/Director sharing her thoughts on creativity in this crazy metropolis, New Yawk Citay.