It has been 50 years since the death of the America's sex goddess, Marilyn Monroe. I have always had a special place in my spirit for Marilyn Monroe because when I was growing up she was the only celebrity who I knew, who had a mother with a mental illness and who thrived. She was an inspiration to me of sorts even with her well-publicized setbacks. When I went to college, I had several of her pictures of her on my wall but no one knew why, I didnt share my family painful experience of mental illness and the damaging effects it has on a family's structure. I assumed people believed I wanted to look like her or I had some great admiration for her. Having a strong sense of pride, while I thought Marilyn was a beautiful woman I had no desire to look like her, though I have emulated some her flirtations, they are effective.
We also shared some other histories in our background, that I won't go into on this post but they gave me a unique understanding of what obstacles she faced and conqured in those short 36 years. The other nite while buying  groceries  in Fort Greene, I saw a magazine highlighting her death and all her scandals. There is a whole industry created on the "tragedy" that is Marilyn Monroe and she is consistently depicted as this breathless idiot, who couldn't take a step without swallowing a pill for confidence.
I never met Marilyn, would have loved to be but she died long before I was born and all I have to know her by are letters, journal entries, endless documentaries and those beautiful pictures that have stood the test of time.
Knowing and understanding a little of her background, one thing is very clear to me, she was no one's idiot and most definitely no one's victim. You do not survive, a children's home (esp in the 20-30's) prior to children's advocacy, while having no family to support you, being a pretty female w/little education and become one of the biggest stars of all time; without a will of steel. I cant even imagine the situations she endured during her childhood, the sexual misconduct that she had to withstand, the inner fortitude it took to be rejected over and over with no means of emotional support to get to that pinnacle. She was one of the first women to have her own production company, Egg Productions, and she lifted weights when women were not supposed to. She dictated her image, her roles, her leading men and she did not die penniless. When she was fired from her last film, for her own misbehavior she sued, won and recieved a pay  hike. She took a small role in All About Eve and translated into her own empire. Her challenges with her husbands is they assumed she was coquettish sex goddess, and she was an ambitious shark who wanted her career and intelligence to be honored as well as her body. As the wife of Arthur Miller, he thought she would be her career on hold for him, he was jealous of her production company but as a woman who had always taken care of herself there was no way she would defer her dreams-not even for him. Marilyn Monroe was a woman ahead of her time, she layed the groundwork for Madonna, Janet, Beyonce, Angelina Jolie and on. She illustrated that you can be sexual and ambitious all in the same being. She understood that sexuality is a performance and she was a master at it but it was still just that, a skill not her being. As a woman she struggled to find the person/and or industry that could accept that but they just werent ready. #marilynmonroe #feminism #acting

My journey to become a writer has been a long and circuitous one. I dont know if I ever would official give myself the title of writer exclusively but I definitely have been playing in the literary playground. My initial reason for joining this theater company  was to explore directing and writing since I actively have been performing in since my return to New York ( hand to heart with extreme gratitude) When the project for came up in company meeting I shared absolutely no interest. I have never been into the Tudor's or the history of the monarchy.I was one of the few Americans who did not watch the Royal Wedding nor had even the slightest interest.  Then when I noticed my name had been listed as a contributing writer to the project, I didnt resist. The process has been one of a collaborative, with the work being created in the rehearsal process, I am personally not a fan of that because of the lack of structure but since my experience is more limited in this area it was an opportunity for me to learn. During the process, I assumed me and my writing partner would just contribute maybe a paragraph or a suggestion here so it seemed benign enough. After a couple of weeks, one of the actors asked if   and I had any text for them. Initally I was quite surprised, I had no idea I was expected to create actual dialogue. I was nervous, this was out of my realm of experience primarily burgeoning as a slam poet. I spoke to one of my acting buddies,  who insisted that I take part in this project. My writing partner  and I have had no previous working relationship, actually no relationship of any kind and we were expected to take this information that had been collected and create something from it.  We had our intial meeting and we realized we really had no information. We talked about writing prompts and I lead the improv work in two rehearsals. Then we came back and miraculously we actual began to work together. For many who do this all the time, this is probably routine but for myself I was actually shocked how it all sort of came together in a slow unraveling. He is extremely laid back to my Native New York neurosis so, ( at least for me) it had made for an enjoyable writing experience. I know understand Richard Rogers only do one project alone, there is something great about collaborating with another, it makes you more confident in your own abilities, ironically enough. Also, it is very time consuming, each monolgue we have written takes time. Understanding the character, how they speak, thier experiences, thier influence and remaining consistent. When you have two people bringing that together, the time can just get eaten up. After almost 4 hours completing the first 3 of 7 monologues and thier death sentences,  he sent them to the group for review. We were expecting notes, comments about why some things were omitted etc. That is the process of collaboration but when I recieved a video with pieces of text being moved and lines where speeches were supposed to be I was a little numb at first. Then nhe and I got together for the next 4 monologues and we have spent another 4 hours churning these out, I see another email from another part of the team and the lines are even in a more chaotic fashion, I am disturbed. All of a sudden a light went off in my head, I understand why writers have protection, now I understand intellectual property. To see the work you have spent hours on changed into something else entirely is difficult to witness. When you are not getiing financial compensation, it becomes almost pointless. Where the journey will take me from here, I dont know but it has been a true learning experience. My fellow sister and lover of words, Sophia suggested I put this experience on paper. It has been an unexpected my necessary journey in my development. Who would believe at this point in my life, I would still be learning new things but here we go again!