It is challenging living in a city like New York. There a couple of things that are certain, humid days in the summer, the A train holding during rush hour because of "traffic train ahead" even though there was a gap of more than 15 min between stations and a new five star restaurant opening in a working poor neighborhood. What isnt certain is what opportunity lays just around the corner. Could it be a surprise meeting with a powerful agent, could it be an amazing break in a SAG/Lo Pay independent feature that ends up at Sundance, could it be the love of your life at a networking event or could it be the most amazing conversation with your new best friend. The sense of possibilities in New York is it's blessing and it's curse. It can cause you to live in the future of what can be and ignore the blessings of the present moment. It is a constant challenge to see beyond the struggle of now, remain confident about the future and yet plan for any obstacles along the way. As a single woman in New York, the amount of pretty distractions are great, this is the town for flirtation. There is some lovely face, body, voice, spirit tempting you at every crossroad but to have something real is another story. It is challenge to create a solid foundation with anyone, anywhere in the world. There are no guarantees in any union but when you live in one of the most popular cities in the world, with some of the most alluring it becomes a different scenario. The sense of doubt and fear can become like a stench if you dont have a strong sense of inner-knowing. There is a strength of will and purpose that has to be your guide through the fidelity maze of Gotham and that is no easy task. I am still learning this and each day brings a different challenge, whether it is the concern of age, size, humour, talent or financial abundance. This entry has no witty resolve, it is an ongoing process that I continue to move thru. Taking the myriad of emotions that can keep me in encased and releasing them into an unknown universe. This is my form of release, my mind altering method of escape with the hope of getting closer to my sense of eternal bliss. Wish me certainty on this journey.
It can be exciting to be an actor in New York, the possibilities are endless and the opportunity around the next corner is always present. Looking for someone "to hold you like the river Jordan" is another thing. The more artists you know, no matter the discipline can make for quite a quagmire when you are also looking to build a community. This is a industry that creates alot of insecurity, doubt, loneliness, financial unstability and spiritual corruption. You have to believe in "taking the next step..not seeing the the whole staircase" as MLK stated. This is all about belief in the unknown. You build your arsenal with your training, experience and perserverance. Of course, we are human and you have those moments when you need to have a ear to share your concerns, inspirations or just some ice cream staring at a Girlfriends rerun. It will be 5 years since I been in New York on Aug 29 and there is a sense of accomplishment in that but there is also a sense of longing. I have yet to create my "Girlfriends crew" in the vast metropolis and that is growing yearn for me as my career gets stronger and more defined. Not to quote a '70's movie ( but why not) "Success is nothing..if you have no one to share it with", the movie Mahogany, it was okay but that line, while a little over the top is completely accurate. I feel that community is as important as money, oxygen or great sushi. There is the importance of romantic love but the love and support of friends is what sustains you and keeps you grounded. I have met some wonderful people here in my return back to the city of my birth and plan to continue to increase my circle. What I still need to build along with a financial sustaining career, shelves, a more fashionable wardrobe is a circle of friends that can hold me when that river starts to swirl and envelope me. I have such wonderful people in my second homestead Boston, and I am so fortunate but as my world grows so must my support circle. I need to know, that here in Gotham at the midnight hour, eyeliner streaking on my face, tears and snot swelling on my nose that I can call or walk up to a door and that they will be there. I need to know, when something fantastic happens for me, that I can show up at someone's door and they will welcome me with a true hug that conveys all the sincerity that my heart needs. That is what I want to give and that is what I want to recieve. An Obie is nice and definitely on the list but you still need those friends who will embarass you at the reception with thier affection. That is reward that you can only get from grace.
An Actor/Director sharing her thoughts on creativity in this crazy metropolis, New Yawk Citay.