Jealousy..friend or foe????
I suspect a good friend of mine, who has been wonderful and supportive of me in the most wonderous of ways, is jealous of my creativity. It is one of those things that at first you think is in your head, you try to ignore it , trying very hard not to confront what is really apparent. I think for many it has to be a really uncomfortable situation, I know it is for me. It made me think of the masters, Jack Lemmon, Stevie Wonder, Meryl Streep, Michael Jackson, Prince Donny Hathaway, Alfred Hitchcock, Frida Khalo among so many others, what they must have experienced. When someone expresses what you want to express or is able to tap into thier vulnerablilty that creates a reaction in others, it has to make some people a little envious. I know as an actor who can carry a tune, when I see or hear extraordinary singers, I return to the little girl who had a mic in her hand, copying Natalie Cole in her hair brush. I would have given anything to sound like her, a voice so pure and easy. I completely am in awe of dancers and the command they have over thier bodies, to move with just a thought or an impulse and no concern with resistance real or imagined. But the feeling of jealousy, is unlike awe there is a resentment, an anger a feeling of unfairness. As an artist, it is a double edged sword, most create work for other's acknowledgement or appreciation but if that emotion also creates feelings of jealousy than the flow of love and good feeling becomes stagnant. It can't breathe and there is an akwardness that lingers in the air. I think there are some who really get off on others jealousy, makes them feel superior but for them, I think there is a deeper feelings of inadequacy they have not dealt with, my opinion not based on any actual evidence. I think for others, or at least for me there is some element of a "wow" factor to have created something, that is worthy of someone's jealousy. Artistry does have elements of vanity but even deeper you want to be loved and appreciated for your contributions. You can't be a successful artist without people who understand what you create, even if it;s only immediate family and the grocer on the corner. Feelings of jealousy are common and easily understood, you would have to be an incredibly actualized person to not feel it and I know for myself I have not reached those heights. I feel the challenge is how do you let those feelings create a catalyst for creation and not internal inertia. The really accomplished artists do, and I think that she be the moniker for all of us. Dont let good jealousy go to waste, use it it to propel you and let it be a signifier of what you are capable of.
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An Actor/Director sharing her thoughts on creativity in this crazy metropolis, New Yawk Citay.